We the people of the United States of America petition the President to have Emojis integrated with the internet.
Emojis are those cute (or not so cute) pictographic icons that work across certain smartphones. For years the Japanese have been utilizing emojis to communicate information graphically. This has resulted in a cold-war-esque "missle gap" in communication technology. If we do not take action soon the Japanese and other countries around the world will soon surpass the US in emoji-dominance.
Plus, how else am I supposed to communicate that I just ran into a whirlwind of poop?
So Mr. President, let's make sure we *never* have to see this again: ��������.
:-D