It has come to my attention that over 30,000 people believe that Alaska should succeed from these magnificent United States of America, and join Russia. This is outlandish and absurd!
The Alaska Territory was purchased by the United states in 1867, at which point the number of Russian Settlers was not more that 400!
By no means is Russia entitled to Alaska nor should Alaska be allowed to succeed. UNITED WE STAND DIVIDED WE FALL!
I therefore formally petition that Alaska be kept as part of the United States of America!