President Obama has demonstrated that he is capable of causing both great destruction and great embarrassment when he is holding a pen. However, he is relatively harmless when holding a golf club, a basketball, or a shotgun. We feel that our country would be better served if he spent less time holding a pen and more time holding these other items.
We therefore petition that henceforth President Obama play at least eighteen holes of golf per day, followed by skeet shooting or two-on-two hoops in the evening.