this poor Jewish boy just needs a loving older brother. I, a female caretaker, can provide Simon the love he needs. I'll be the traditional older brother and show him what a brother would be like. this includes stealing, wedgies, pure torture*, etc. but at the end of the he will be in the care of a loving person. Please sign this petition so one less grown man can be brother less
*no small animals will be hurt during this time and Simon is okay with the following: shaving his eyebrows off, force feeding him pubes, snot rockets of puke, and being locked in a porta potty