"This petition celebrates J.C. (Jobs Creators) as the ultimate deity in the United States. By signing this petition, you agree that on what normally is celebrated as Christmas Day, Americans should, instead of getting the day, or in this era half a day, off from work, we should all work double.
The first 8 hour shift of December 25 will be your regular shift, but then, as a J.C. Day gift to your personal J.C., you will work another 8 hours (or more) without payment at all from your J.C.
By signing this petition, you agree that all Americans could work a little harder for J.C."