We the people of the United States have become aware of insidious threat to American freedom: the presidential candidacy of Mr. Donald Trump. To preserve our freedoms, we have brainstormed a solution – make Donald Trump president of the Pacific Garbage Patch. This solution is twofold in its successes. First, Americans will finally be rid of his heinous toupee, which seems to be impairing his brain function. Second, we believe Mr. Trump will be happier in an environment that reflects his personality – utter trash.
We the people implore you to make America great again. Get Trump out and get him to his fellow garbage people ASAP.