Did you miss Bryce Drew's buzzer beater in '98? In school when Richmond shocked Syracuse? Stuck in the office when Mercer upset Duke? Tragic stories like these happen every March, but we can stop it! Let's refuse to live in a country where people can't watch basketball history be made live! It's downright un-American that employees have to watch on laptops, and that student watch on their phone hidden in their Algebra book like a of prisoner hiding a knife. Let's change this! Let's make the first round* of March Madness a recognized federal holiday, and give everyone the right to veg in their boxers all day, eat Funyons, and watch all 32 games in two days!
*Yes, the play-in games are technically the 1st round, but no one watches that crap. Stop being a jerk and let's get these days off