Donald Trump, a well known businessman and "politician", has committed a great crime of fashion and good grooming in front of the American public. We demand his hair must be made into a federal offense, punishable by either 15 years in jail or public shaming, and to have our government release a statement that he must either go bald, or go to jail. His hair has been scaring innocent children for long enough, and we ask that he is brought to court for this grave offense.
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