Sometimes in the course of human events it becomes necessary to undertake endeavors that our anathema to our sensibilities, instincts, and national creed. The recent unveiling of Xbox One creates one such situation.
Microsoft's unadulterated failure to design a desirable product has us mired in a situation in which the government cannot possibly fail more miserably than free enterprise. Consequently, we call upon a government takeover of Microsoft and a logical redesign of the platform. Feel free to keep spying on us using the Kinect, but at least give us GTA V by December.
The hopes and prayers of nerds everywhere are with you. Do not mess this up.