We in Dearborn, MI have made our stance very clear for the past two years: that we are all followers of the Syrian president, Bashar al-Assad. As such,since it has become extremely difficult to reconcile the U.S. government's policy towards the land of our leader, we demand to be officially recognized as an extension of Souria al-Assad, or Assad's Syria. We host more pro-Assad rallies than anywhere in the world, and have more pictures of him per square mile than anywhere except for Damascus. We deserve to be recognized for our outstanding patriotism. With this demand, we also demand that Assad be recognized as de-facto mayor of Dearborn, MI.
Alternatively, we will accept his appointment as mayor of Dearborn, MI, if the ungrateful brats in Syria use their Zio-NATO connections to oust him.