Dear President Obama, Mr. Eric Schmidt, Justine Tunney, Al Gore and Bill Nye the Science Guy.
I write to you today in response to Ms. Tunney's petition in which she appointed Eric Schmidt as CEO of America.
While I don't wish to besmirch his reputation or make light of the issues that Ms. Tunney brought up, I am still filing a counter petition and asking the American people to consider appointing me, as CEO of America instead.
I have a craaazy amount of business experience. Due to the character limit, I can't go into specifics, just know that everyone says I'm the most successful and handsome guy they know which is more than anyone has ever said about Mr. Schmidt.
In summation, I deserve this job, or at least one with equal pay. Maybe even just middle manager of America. God Bless.