I first saw "Bears" in April of 2014. To say I was moved would be an understatement. Those of you who have seen it will know what I mean. It was unlike anything I've ever witnessed. Sublime.
It has recently come to my attention that, despite indisputable greatness, "Bears" is not projected to sweep the Oscars. This is outright disgusting.
I believe that should "Bears" fail to win at least fifteen awards, the Obama administration outlaw the Oscars and imprison the members of the Academy. I understand that this may constitute a violation of Freedom of Speech, but I feel as though this is worth it. Those who have seen "Bears" will know that our ursine brothers and sisters need not speak freely to live fulfilling lives. If we can't be more like them, let us at least reward their genius.