Recent events in North Korea and statements by the revered leadership there have struck fear into the hearts of U.S. Citizens. We, the people, request that the U.S. federal government resolve to pay tribute to North Korea to appease their aggressive tendencies. This tribute shall consist of one lollipop, approximately one half ounce (about 14.17g), lemon flavored. A pink bow shall be tied to the stick. The lollipop shall be accompanied by a statement written in pencil on a cheap, brightly colored sticky note. “Please, please, please don't nuke us into oblivion. Kindly accept this token of our friendship.” Both shall be placed inside a cheap brown paper bag, of the type commonly used for taking lunch to school, and hand delivered to the kind and wise leaders of North Korea.
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