To Whom It May Concern,
We, the Battalion of Villainy, would like to formally declare our interest in overtaking and ruling any states that choose to secede from the United States of America. As we have already done with Canada and much of the Arctic North, it is only fitting that we claim the right to any lost lands given up through violent or non-violent means by the US of A. In return, we will open talks to free trade agreements, disassemble our D.O.O.M. Missile network in British Columbia, and allow your federal level politicians a chance to gain prime time-share properties along the warmer coastal regions well in advance of the rest of the market.
Please do not attempt to send Wonder-Lord to stop us. We have his weakness, in a lock box, safely guarded in a pocket dimension.