The people of the great city on the Ohio River known for its hospitality, good cheer,and open-mindedness, evidenced during its celebration of Kentucky Derby, supported the Union during the late Rebellion and wants no part of any seditious designs of bigoted and dim-wiited Kentuckians seeking to secede.
We wish that Louisville to operate as its own state, or in confederation with other like-minded Southern cities, as a a part of our beloved Union, if Kentucky is successful in a bid to secede. We respectfully request the right to annex Lexington and the Bourbon Trail if those regions agree. We cede all rights to any creationist-oriented pamuseums or amusement parks, and any related arks or dinosaurs. We retain all art museums, theaters, and resturants, excepting Papa John's.