Peacefully grant the State of Texas the right to secede from the United States and join the nation of Canada.

Canada needs an Alaska of its own, and with the recent dissatisfaction among good southern folk over the presidential election, now is the time for America to hand over Texas. Canada could use more people who believe the Founding Fathers drove monster trucks. And Texans could benefit from a nation that believes a woman shouldn't have to put a leash on her vagina every time she leaves the house; that the wealthy don't understand the poor because they once saw the maid watching an episode of the Jeffersons; and that corporations can only be considered people when they start paying taxes and dying at a respectable age. Texas: It belongs in a whole other country.