Due to certain recent events, there has been a growing movement for a handful of States to "peacefully withdraw" from the United States. Online petitions have gathered significant support, and as of this writing, seven (7) of these petitions now meet the guidelines for an official response from the Presidential Administration of Barack Obama.
I, Jordan Matthew Isaacs of Hamilton, OH, find the idea of any State withdrawing from the United States to be, frankly, ridiculous. The United States is supposed to be one nation, under god, indivisible. Therefore, I am creating this petition as a work of political satire, to take this movement to its logical extreme. I request that the federal territory of Washington, D.C., be granted peaceful withdrawal from the United States.