Whereas the current crisis involving Russia and Crimea proceeds in part from a perception of encroachment upon spheres of influence.
Whereas this encroachment exists disproportionately in favor of the United States, motivating Russia to take military steps to protect its own sphere of influence.
Whereas the United States government has been funding the separation of Ukraine from Russia since the 1990s.
Whereas the people of Texas have repeatedly petitioned to secede from the United States, and the State of Texas has the legal right to do so.
Whereas the whole rest of the United States isn't particularly impressed with Texas either.
We hereby petition the White House to request Russia and China to fund the secession of Texas to resolve the crisis with Russia and the problem with Texas.