So that Kanye West can continue to bring more beautiful ideas to the world, create more successful artists such as Taylor Swift, and so that trifling Kim Kardashian West won't have to shop at Target or worse, come knocking back on my door cause she married a "Broke Nigga", I, Kris Humphries, request that President Obama petition the US Congress for funding to assist with relief of the West family's debt.
Relief of the West family's debt is not only in my interest, but of national interest, as Mrs. West's backside has become too big to fail following the birth of her second child. If Congress is obstructionist, I beg the Obama family to skip one vacation and donate that savings to host an open mic night for Mr. West.