When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare that Dick Cheney be waterboarded immediately.
We hold these truths to be self evident, that the positive effects of this measure would be as follows:
1. It's not torture!
2. "Enhanced Interrogation" can be used as a means to "vigorously investigate" his alleged "combat lawlessness"
3. His approval rating will skyrocket.
4. Seriously, it's not torture.
5. We will, In fact, be greeted as liberators.