We, the thinking people of the United States of America, tired of hearing our democratically elected President slandered, our progress ground to a halt by obstructionism, our national IQ drug to the depths by the cult of Fox News worshipers, and sickened by the temper-tantrum displays of delusional reality deniers petition our government to grant us relief from these insurrectionists and traitors. If they are so determined to secede, considering that more dollars go into meeting their red-state deficits than they ever bring in via taxation, we ask that you give them a piece of land, duly fenced off from the rest of us, and let them leave posthaste.



