In the light of the recent tragedies in Boston during the marathon, we need to come together in solidarity to denounce terrorism and the instruments of terror. I, President Barack Obama, do propose to put common sense regulations in place everyone can agree on. The NRA (National Restaurant Association) will continue to oppose such common sense measures, but extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures.
From this day forward, 30 quart pressure cookers will be defined as "high capacity". Any one of the following features will be allowed, but not two, which will require special licensing as an assault cookware device.
Limited features:
* Handle
* Christmas Tree pwesh pwesh thing
* Pressure lock
* Rubber gasket
* Thermometer
* PSI Pressure Indicator
* Twist lid