Dear Mr. President,
I understand that you are an extraordinarily busy individual, and I'm sure that your pop-culture awareness has suffered since you took office in 2008, but did you know that talk has begun circulating the internet that a sequel to the intergenerational classic, Space Jam, is close to entering production? If your reaction is anything like mine was, you are probably in a fit a rage. If you're not, you will be now -- it's going to star Lebron James.
Mr. President, I could go on and on about what an atrocity this is, but knowing that you are a Chicagoan and a basketball player and fan I feel that you are already well aware.
Mr. President, I implore you to use the power of your office to make sure this abomination never sees the light of day.