For over 50 years, Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch has done double duty defending our seas and satisfying our morning hunger.
In spite of all of this, he has not been promoted in his entire career.
Surely accomplishments such as his warrant he finally be acknowledged for his contributions to breakfast and promoted to Rear Admiral, with all the rights and privileges thereto.
We call upon President Obama, Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel, Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus, and all members of Congress to rectify this, and give the Captain his due.