We seek some type of executive protection for the playoff beard of diehard Chicago Blackhawks fan Derek Strum, whose lovely wife is demanding be shaven for photos to be taken at their daughter's first birthday party on May 31 despite the hockey team still being very well alive in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
While Mr. Strum is confident that his favorite team can still hoist Lord Stanley's Cup without his beard, we feel it is best for the team, the city, and the entire country not to take such chances. We are further convinced that the lack of such beard will in no way make him more photogenic or less unsightly.
While Mr. Strum has struggled to help his Texas family understand hockey rituals, we are confident the support of a sitting U.S. President on this matter would be crystal clear.