Provide federal funding for Ninja Police

We have all watched a sunset of scarlet and ginger break behind the silhouette of the incorrigible west. We have peered up at our barren city rooftops and said, "Dayum! We need more Ninjas". Well I think it high time we asked for some. This idea is far less foolish then a secession and would not be nearly as dangerous if taken seriously; either way, there can be little doubt that it certainly is not as insulting to the history of our country. Writing to a friend, Roosevelt once said, "I have always been fond of the West African proverb: 'Speak softly and carry a big stick;'". Although their heritage has very little to do with Africa, we all know what Theodore was saying. We gotta have more Ninjas.