to recognize Ryan Gosling as the sexiest man alive. We can no longer trust People Magazine to manage our sexy men.

We, the People of the United States, recognize that sexy men are a natural resource shared by the world. People Magazine cannot be trusted with this most important resource, we petition for the recognition of Ryan Gosling as the sexiest man alive at the federal level by an executive order establishing Sexiest Man Alive as a cabinet level position and with Ryan Gosling as the first holder of that office.