WE THE PEOPLE hereby respectfully request the White House to:
(1) Recognize Stephen Colbert's "Colbert Nation" as an actual nation;
(2) Deport all those who sign, or have signed, secession petitions to it;
(3) Promptly declare war on it, using all the latest, most sophisticated and most expensive military and intelligence technology that the government of the United States can bring to bear, including but not limited to death drones, cyber warfare and those secret hurricane creation and control machines which the Obama Administration obviously possesses.
(4) Have a nice day!