Whereas the internet is full of people with opinions, good and bad, happy and sad, interesting and scary,
Whereas the internet is also full of people who are noted cranks, which the website Wikipedia describes as;
'"Crank" is a pejorative term used for a person who unshakably holds a belief that most of his or her contemporaries consider to be false.'
Whereas these people are now allowed a direct line to the executive branch of the federal government,
We, the sane people of The United States of America, ask you,
1) Immediately close down the portion of this website that allows random people to submit petitions.
2) Publish the last known address and alias of people submitting these petitions so we may torture them with an air loom.