We, the citizens of the United States of America, and fans of the National Football League (NFL), request the Executive Branch's immediate assistance in renaming the Philadelphia Eagles of the National Football League (NFL) to the Filthydelphia Eggles.
Jeffrey Lurie should be forced to rename the team that is playing the dirtiest city in the United States of America. Furthermore, the team plays like it is disabled, has a dog killing quarter back, and a coach who ate the remaining Twinkies that Hostess had in stockpile.
Their incompetence and ego, as the Dream Team, have not only been an extreme disappointment for way to long, but moreover, the team what they stand for have caused millions of Americans extreme mental and emotional distress.
Thank you for your assistance in this matter.