We the undersigned hereby declare that:
WHEREAS America could really stand to be more of a theocracy, I mean it's working out so well in Iran; and
WHEREAS because of that gosh-darned First Amendment we aren't allowed to teach creationism in public schools (which we would really like to do); and
WHEREAS the First Amendment doesn't do anything in particular we like, except I guess guarantee freedom of speech, and also the freedom to petition the government, which is what we the undersigned are doing right now, so it's kind of silly to complain about it;
LET IT BE RESOLVED that we should totally get rid of that musty old First Amendment. Don't touch the one about the guns, though. We like that one.