President Obama, we respectfully request that you call a press conference, or better yet, hold a nationally televised, primetime address to respond to the petitioners requesting that their state be allowed to secede. During this address, you should emphatically say -
"To the secession petitioners, the birthers, Mitt Romney, John Sununu, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Cornel West, Tavis Smiley, Joe Wilson, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, Hank Williams Jr., Dinesh D'souza, Ann Coulter, Donald Trump, Ann Romney, Mitch McConnell, Ted Nugent, Victoria Jackson, Bill O'Reilly, Bernard Goldberg, and the entire Tea Party, KISS MY ASS."
We, the undersigned, will happily forgive your departure from Presidential decorum. Considering the slings and arrows you're subjected to, it's overdue!