Donald Trump is an outspoken critic of the current administration. His selfless dedication to regulatory reform, self-promotion and flirting with bankruptcy like a truck stop whore is both well known and appreciated by the American people. Without his tireless efforts, we would have neither the President's long-form birth certificate nor a golf course in Scotland.
Yet questions remain about the legitimacy of Trump's close associates - in particular, his toupee. An ever-present figure and lifelong companion, Trump's toupee has never proven its citizenship, nor eligibility to sit on so fine a brow. We demand that the government mandate the release of any and all documentation relating to this toupee. The American people deserve to know what it is hiding. Other than male-pattern baldness.