Whereas, the exact condition of Ferris Bueller is unknown;
Whereas since this morning, it is substantially worse than just cold and clammy hands and an elevated body temperature;
Whereas Ferris is really sick;
Whereas Ferris is like on the verge of death;
Whereas a sample of Ferris' blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control for analysis;
Whereas "did you see Alien? when the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that";
Whereas "oh my God you're dying? Is it serious?"; and
Whereas if Ferris dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder. He's really sweet, isn't he?
Therefore, we the undersigned urge the White House, with all deliberate speed, to take all actions necessary to determine Ferris Bueller's condition and whereabouts and make sure he gets better.
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