In light of recent petitions by citizens wishing to secede from the United State, we, the undersigned, propose an innovative and educational program to satisfy those Americans who are unhappy with the current administration.
Being that the Tea Party eschews any and all government safety nets, taxes, regulation, wishes to abolish any form of gun regulation and advocates for theocratic policies. including the rejection of gay marriage - we believe that starting a "Tea Party Exchange" program whereby the government buys secessionists tickets to Somalia would satisfy all parties.
Somalia is clearly the conservative, religious, small-government utopia the Tea Party is in search of and a cultural immersion program would assuage their concerns while allowing the United States to move forward.