Greenland seems to have derived its name from a possibly deceptive Viking real estate marketing ploy. We propose that the U.S. government begin treating Greenland as if it were named for famed young adult writer John Green, author of THE FAULT IN OUR STARS and others. At least this name would be entirely honest.
Greenland's ice sheet is shrinking at an alarming rate, with dire consequences for the climate, fauna, and world's economies. People really like John Green. If our government treated Greenland as if it were named after John Green, more people might care what happens to it and take steps to prevent this disaster.
Under this proposal, nothing would change with U.S.-Greenlandic relations. We'd simply think about the name differently and Not Forget to Be Awesome to Greenland.