President Barack Ahab Obama is up to no good. In his secret lair off the coast of Japan, he is devising the ultimate whale blubber-powered incendiary device; a whale-brained space weapon so terrifying, it could eradicate the whole of space-time and human history to a pile of smoldering submicroprotonian rubble. We must end the senseless slaughter of space whales at all costs, and inform President Free Willy Clinton of nefarious whale-hater Obama's secret undersea agenda.



