We, the undersigned, respectfully request that you stop taking petitions from stupid people. While we understand your desire to stay in touch with the American people, unfortunately there are too many stupid people (secessionists, I'm talking about you) abusing this system because they are angry that you got re-elected. (Good job on that, by the way.) This is a waste of government time and resources. Please consider my request, and thank you for your time and consideration.
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