Recently, rumors have surfaced that Warner Bros. have enlisted LeBron James for a follow up to the 1996 classic and American treasure, Space Jam. Space Jam, which has won 16 straight Oscars for Best Picture and stars NBA great and American Founding Father Michael Jordan, represents the pinnacle of American artistic achievement and is a testament to the promise of liberal democracy.
To follow up this cherished piece of American history with a shameless money grab is to spit in the face of hardworking Americans everywhere. Moreover, to do so starring notorious flopper LeBron James is to surpass simple indecency into the realm of noxious blasphemy, the likes of which this great nation has seldom seen.
Mr. President, our nation faces a grave peril. Do not allow it to continue unchecked.