We the people wish to authorize the Office of the President the one-time ability to track down the creator of the "4th dimensional space whales" petition (https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/respect-our-2nd-amendment-righ...) and deliver a non-lethal strike to his testicles. The strike may be achieved by fist, foot, or any heavy, blunt object deemed appropriate by the President. While non-lethal, the blow must be forceful enough to send a message to all drug-addled morons across the internet that We are tired of their stupidity. The President may send an approved agent to carry out this request, but The People ask that he ensures the substitute has MMA or boxing experience.
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