All Americans have wished, since 1776, to remain loyal subjects of the British Crown, and enjoy the liberties and splendor enjoyed by all British subjects since the formation of the United Kingdom. It is our wish, indeed, the wish of the American people, to officially apologize for the Rebellion, to officially surrender to Britain, to apologize for the dastardly Boston Tea Party, and to pay reparations to Britain for the waste of good tea.
This may be almost 250 years late, but America wants the British people to know how deeply sorry we are, and that we desire to surrender and officially put an end to the ongoing American Rebellion.