Lindsay Lohan, America's sweetheart and a national treasure, is in the midst of a downward spiral, with looming consequences that may prove disastrous for the actress and the American public.
Crippled by enablers and problems she cannot or will not address, Lohan has proven incapable of escaping this near-certain path of destruction.
She requires immediate intervention to save not only herself, but ordinary Americans from physical and economic harm. Citizens are in mortal danger anytime she gets behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, while taxpayers foot the bill for her legal and police entanglements at a time of near-universal budget constraints.
We hereby petition the administration to unilaterally order her into an in-patient rehabilitation program as a matter of national security.