Whereas the state of Texas contains an entire population of sore losers. And whereas the state of Texas is in obvious need of some explicit instructions on what they can do with their request for seceding from this most glorious union they requested to join in 1845. We the undersigned request President Barack Obama, or a representative appointed by him, to appear in the state of Texas at the earliest possible convenience, where he or she will communicate a single message for the sore losers: "You can suck it."



