Dear President,
I have the utmost respect for you, buddy. America is a good and cool country and you've worked hard to build its #brand. But I'm afraid you're fighting a battle that can't be won. The Washington #brand has become a fail. It is no longer able to face the epic trolls that lay ahead.
I implore you to call a national referendum to do the following:
1. Transfer administrative authority to America's best tweeters.
2. Deploy the full might of American arms against trolls and haters without hesitation or pity.
3. Give the password to your Presidential Twitter Account to Twitter user Dril (@dril).
It's time for the U.S. #brand to politely take its exit from our feeds and do what's best for America. Good tweets can prevent further American decline.
-Everett Margaret Rummage