British Citizen, CNN television host and self-important fat-necked mirror-botherer, Piers Morgan, is the subject of a deportation petition by the good folk of your great nation.
Although completely understandable, the problem with that petition is that we really don't want him back.
Really. Really. Really.
Really.
We REALLY don't want him.
In fact, we're utterly terrified at the prospect.
If you value the 'special relationship' between our two great nations, let this be a polite warning wrapped in a desperate plea: you cannot allow this to happen.
If you send back that puffed-up pompous narcissistic baboon's arse, we, the undersigned of Great Britain, will be left with no other option than to declare war.
We remain, for the time being, most cordially yours.
GB