We petition the Obama administration to give a final ruling on the color of this stupid dress.

In late February, 2015, an image of a dress of indeterminate color was uploaded to the internet. The immediate divisions it created between friends, family members, and coworkers echoed across the world. I have a dream that one day people will be judged not by how they see the color of this dress, but by the content of their character, but that day is not today. And, in the meantime, the people of this country, nay, the world, need solace. Help us heal these wounds where once stood great bonds between men and women of all walks of life. Commission a study, put it to a vote, flip a coin, we don’t care how it’s done, just get it done. Tell us, once and for all, what color is this stupid dress!